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I’m a complete noob need talking through it

Hey holy I’m installing Ubuntu - as I’m a Linux noob - may need some help setting up if you can

Thanks for the recommendations!

Mrs. Flenser says she's not down with the dangly bits parts though. 

Sounds like you covered most bases.  If you haven't been before, I'd recommend paying the Bodyworlds Museum a visit.  I'd passed it by a couple of times as I was put off by the content, but I'm glad I took the plunge.  I found it fascinating.

If you're looking to fill in some time at night, there's Boom Chicago.  This is an Improv' comedy club.  They also do comedy classes if you fancy a go

The Ice  Bar.  Their blurb is "Everything inside is made entirely out of ice,
even the glass your beer or shot is served in!"

If you're feeling a bit more adventurous and want to chill out at the same time, there's the Sauna Deco.
It's a mixed/textile free establishment, so don't be surprised if you see peoples bits hanging down and swinging around as they move between spa and sauna areas.  Feel free to let your own hang out if you wish

https://www.bodyworlds.nl/en/
https://boomchicago.nl/
https://www.xtracold.com
https://saunadeco.nl/en/

It's mainly street food and cafe fare I shovel down my neck while in Amsterdam.
The Damstraat (just off Dam Square) is good for pizza (Doria), shawarma, Argentinian steakhouses, and Renes (for pastries, cakes, churros).

BTW, no thanks for stealing my potato bus in that SpaceStation game! 

Ah, sorry 'bout that.  I thought I'd hide it for a bit until someone notices then jump back up again but I didn't hear a word, so I hung around listening to the music.
I've been listening to it in my head since